I don't know how to deal with the pain of grief and depression

@Krissb123 I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad a few years ago and it was one of the hardest things I've ever been through. He had terminal cancer so I was able to spend time with him and process his passing before it actually happened, but it was still hard. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I know everyone is different and we all handle grief differently, but honestly what helped me was going through old photos and memories with my mom to create a photo album/scrap book of memories for us to keep around and flip through. We were able to pick out some good pics and a few video clips for his memorial video and it's something that I look at from time to time when I'm really missing him. Take care of yourself 

I too have suffered great loss recently . Between 2017 and 2019 I lost 3 dogs,2 cats , both grandmothers , and my mother . I'm still not over that period of time yet . I was never able to catch my breath and grieve properly . The only comfort I have comes from my new dog Molly . She is very intuitive and always seems to know when I'm down and need some love .