Depression

I just wrote a whole thing to you and then my internet went out so it didn't go through. So frustrated

Well basically I said I can totally relate with everything your saying except the physical condition.  I am an isolator and stay to my self moat of the time. I have a backroom where I smoke cigs and I have a tv and I'm always sitting in here. Most of the time I'm just thinking and thinking. I think alot about the past and its never any of the good stuff just the bad. 

I have been in the psych ward many times and sometimes it helps and some times it just makea me angry. The only good part is they usually adjust my meds to try and find something to work better. I am bi polar with severe deppresion and anxiety. They always say I have something I forgot what they call it but it where treatment doesnt work to good for me. So I take it I will be like this for the rest of my life. O its called treatment resistant depression.  They change my meds alot because after awhile they stop working which really stinks.

I've been in and out of counciling for yrs . I do right now have a really nice counclor who tries to help and she does alittle. 

I also have the problem when family tells you to get over it or things like that and its not very helpful. They just dont understand what we go through and deal with on a daily basis.  Some of my family understands alittle but not enough to be helpful. Like when I go in a big store or are around crowds of people I get really anxious and have panick attacks even some times. My dad just says gotta be tough and just do it but he has no understanding what it feels like and where my mind goes. "Fight or flight " mode kicks in and the anxiousness takes over.  But for the most part I am depressed thinking how things are never gonna change and then I get where I wont talk to anyone at all and just hold everything in. Thats usually when I end up in a hospital somewhere for suicidal thoughts and it sucks.

Well if you wanna talk you can on here or you can friend me and have personal conversations that people can't see. Its up to you.

Well try and have a good night and maybe even try to crack a smile 😃

Hope to hear back from you