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Intimacy during and after cancer
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Courtney_J
Community managerGood advisor
Courtney_J
Community manager
Last activity on 08/08/2022 at 11:09 AM
Joined in 2020
1,340 comments posted | 53 in the Cancer Forum
5 of their responses were helpful to members
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@1984survivor! Hello 1984survivor!, thank you for opening this discussion! This is an important topic, as cancer can take a significant toll on not only our physical health, but on our mental health and intimate relationships.
We recently published an article on sexuality and chronic illness that may be helpful to you, let me link it here: Intimacy with a Chronic Illness
Let me tag some members who can maybe weigh in.
Hello everyone, I hope you're well! Has your cancer or your treatment affected your emotional and sexual life? Do you talk about it with your partner or significant other? What to you do to cope or to make things better?
@DarlaMccallister @Davidy @Jeanie1234 @MerylK @tonibroad2 @Nikkie313 @Hind97 @moshiro @Michelle413 @Sammygirl @Char26 @Jenniferrebert @Patty22373 @Georgie @Sexy667 @Paul58 @Sentient @Rolmoto
Feel free to share your thoughts, doubts, fears and feelings here! We're all here to help each other!
Take care,
Courtney
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Courtney_J, Community Manager, Carenity US
smarc1214
smarc1214
Last activity on 07/23/2022 at 3:49 AM
Joined in 2020
My wife died from a parotid gland cancer that metastasized and eventually killed her. Until her death I continued to periodically make love to her until a month before she died. While she lost her hair and 60 pounds it was important to continue with what we still had between us until one day she felt it uncomfortable. I think she was trying to take care of me and it made her feel good to still be my woman. I think this gave her the message that she was still attractive to me. I made a bid deal out of how much pleasure she was giving me. The last month, when she was awake, I would still tell her how beautiful she was every day. Disabling illness causes losses, day by day. One day she needed oxygen, another day we couldn't take walks. We weren't going to lose anything between us until we had to, so we maintained our sexual relationship as best we could.
Courtney_J
Community managerGood advisor
Courtney_J
Community manager
Last activity on 08/08/2022 at 11:09 AM
Joined in 2020
1,340 comments posted | 53 in the Cancer Forum
5 of their responses were helpful to members
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@smarc1214 Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm beyond sure your wife felt so loved. Support, and most importantly, love, are so vitally important when you're going through a disease like cancer.
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Courtney_J, Community Manager, Carenity US
stillbeaut3ful
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stillbeaut3ful
Last activity on 07/24/2022 at 2:23 PM
Joined in 2018
25 comments posted | 11 in the Cancer Forum
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@smarc1214 Thank you for sharing that, you brought me to tears. I know words do nothing to ease pain, but my sincerest condolences for your loss. Your wife sounds like a wonderful, beautiful person.
@1984survivor! Cancer does its best to make us feel undesirable so I understand you not wanting to look at yourself. But you are beautiful and your SO knows that. I felt the same way and it wasn't until I had an honest conversation with my partner about how I was feeling that things started to change. He hadn't tried to initiate because he was afraid of hurting me or didn't want to cross boundaries knowing what my body was going through. Have you been able to talk to him about it? Maybe your SO is hesitant too?
suzie1
suzie1
Last activity on 01/02/2023 at 2:14 PM
Joined in 2019
13 comments posted | 3 in the Cancer Forum
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@1984survivor! It's completely normal to feel that way, your body has been through complete hell and it's in "heal mode". Let your body and mind heal. You can still be close with your husband emotionally. And if he's a good man like I'm sure he is, he will love you and be there for you regardless.
DannyBass
DannyBass
Last activity on 07/04/2021 at 12:46 AM
Joined in 2021
I am 63 years old with prostate cancer my sex life gone but I am married I won't to leave my wife so that she can have a life. Need feedback
Courtney_J
Community managerGood advisor
Courtney_J
Community manager
Last activity on 08/08/2022 at 11:09 AM
Joined in 2020
1,340 comments posted | 53 in the Cancer Forum
5 of their responses were helpful to members
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@DannyBass Hello DannyBass, thank you for sharing what you're going through. I've moved your comment to this discussion here about intimacy and cancer.
Can anyone share their thoughts or experiences with DannyBass? Did you or a loved one struggle with intimacy during or after your cancer treatment? How did you manage it? Can you share any thoughts or advice?
@NorrisAve @2BYourOwnHero @Maryanne780 @Waldo13 @Me&spence @nbq0105 @Puddin @Roxycherrytop @Hoppledog @Lumppy @CarolynDawn @divemdeb @dogmom103 @MyCure1 @Christinahamrick @ildiko @Baddicted
Take care,
Courtney
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Courtney_J, Community Manager, Carenity US
2BYourOwnHero
2BYourOwnHero
Last activity on 12/07/2022 at 12:13 AM
Joined in 2021
Hope13
Hope13
Last activity on 07/17/2024 at 1:43 AM
Joined in 2021
So I need to know if anyone else out there besides me, who loves sex has now became not into it?! Will I be able to touch my fiancé that way again. I feel like I'm going to lose him. He thinks I'm not attracted to him.. Someone help please
Courtney_J
Community managerGood advisor
Courtney_J
Community manager
Last activity on 08/08/2022 at 11:09 AM
Joined in 2020
1,340 comments posted | 53 in the Cancer Forum
5 of their responses were helpful to members
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Hi @Hope13, thank you for sharing, I've moved your comment to this pre-existing discussion about intimacy and cancer. 🙂
Has anyone else struggled with libido or intimacy along your journey with cancer? How have you managed it? Can you share any support or advice?
@Tricket01@livingston133c@ejurenec316@CharlesLRJ@ArielleC@Anume4Life@tamera52@Meljrw@Diane870@rlw138@Countryck@baybay559@Artvogt@cheryoak@Bettyb58@Kev2020@nancoid@MrsMDuke@Farrah
Take care,
Courtney
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Courtney_J, Community Manager, Carenity US
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DCline3dogs
I completely understand as I don’t have anyone to talk to also. I’m a widow & I live alone. My oldest son died in 2021 & my youngest son & his family live 3 hours. My father is dead & my mother has chronic back pain & is immobile. My younger sister lives with our mother & she is going through a divorce from her husband who abandoned her. My sister doesn’t visit me, help me, call me & rarely texts me. I have various cousins, a niece & nephew that are spread out in nearby states but are hours away from me. After I told my friends I had cancer, they quit contacting me. I have learned how to be my own care giver. It has been very difficult. I’ll admit I’ve been depressed, cried a lot, felt sorry for myself but I never gave up. I prayed & read my Bible everyday. Then I found cancer groups online like this one where I could share what I was going through & got empathetic responses. That really kept me going. I hope you find someone to talk to but I highly recommend the online cancer chat groups.
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DCline3dogs
I completely understand as I don’t have anyone to talk to also. I’m a widow & I live alone. My oldest son died in 2021 & my youngest son & his family live 3 hours. My father is dead & my mother has chronic back pain & is immobile. My younger sister lives with our mother & she is going through a divorce from her husband who abandoned her. My sister doesn’t visit me, help me, call me & rarely texts me. I have various cousins, a niece & nephew that are spread out in nearby states but are hours away from me. After I told my friends I had cancer, they quit contacting me. I have learned how to be my own care giver. It has been very difficult. I’ll admit I’ve been depressed, cried a lot, felt sorry for myself but I never gave up. I prayed & read my Bible everyday. Then I found cancer groups online like this one where I could share what I was going through & got empathetic responses. That really kept me going. I hope you find someone to talk to but I highly recommend the online cancer chat groups.
See the best comment
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1984survivor!
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1984survivor!
Last activity on 01/19/2022 at 4:58 PM
Joined in 2018
37 comments posted | 18 in the Cancer Forum
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Hello all, I hope this is ok to talk about here. I was going to just post it in my breast cancer group, but then I thought it may be relevant for all types of cancer patients. So here it goes.
Since my diagnosis and treatment I've really struggled with being intimate with my SO. I just don't have the desire, and I don't know if that's because of what I've been through, like a side effect of treatment, or my medications. I also have a hard time looking at myself and feeling good about my body after my surgeries.
I hope this isn't too much, I feel kind of silly posting this. I guess I'm just wondering how you all cope with a lack of intimacy after or even during your cancer? Is anyone else dealing with this or is it just me?