Will I ever be enough for my parents?
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Abb123
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Abb123
Last activity on 08/04/2024 at 8:43 PM
Joined in 2021
13 comments posted | 13 in the Living with depression group
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You know what hurts the most know that I think about, its when no one in your entire life looked you in the eye and made you like you were actually worth something not even your own family, not a single soul not one person, I think that's what hurts the most, all I ever felt in life was useless, worthless a burden, just being garbage in general, my birthday was on August 2nd my parents bought me a gift that I've always wanted now, but today outside the porch I hear my parents talking saying my name, I decided to eaves drop on what my parents say and all I ever hear is terrible things about like always.
shes lazy, she doesn't even act like a girl, she will end up with no job in her future, no one will want a girl like that, she doesn't even deserve the gift, she's not even applying for colleges, she doesn't even act her age, she is to much to deal with, she's a grown woman she should alreadyguy be out the house, she never does anything, she's dumb, she does nothing right not even the simple things, shes not even responsible for herself,shes like some dumb child,hearing these words I thought to myself not again my body starts getting numb and my brain starts hurting I'm thinking to myself I'm gonna die every word they ever said slowly breaks into my soul my mind everything is slowly but surely dying I rushed back into my room trying not to cry, I've always hated crying it's hurts to cry it feels like I'm about to vomit I feel like I'm suffocating by my own tears, as I'm sitting there in my room a couple of minutes go by, they come into the room and all they said is that their returning the gift , i told them fine go ahead my dad looks at me and said yes I will but then I asked why? He paused and looked at me and said do I really have to explain again, Im staring waiting for an answer, he says look at you like a dumb kid you don't do anything like a normal person, your lazy you don't do anything for this family not even your self, you are spoiled, but anyways I'm tired of talking to you about this your to stupid to even understand. And so he leaves I go back to my room feeling like a worthless piece of shit again thinking haven't I done everything to prove myself I recently graduated high-school, I just turned eighteen, six days ago, I got a job trying to get good at it I'm learning to drive, sooner or later thinking of going to college, what more do they want???!!!! Please God anybody in this world tell me I'm so miserably just say it already what do you want from me everyday its like a fight for my life to get some self control I'm screaming at my self, I get up go to bad and try to sleep it of I closed my eyes and slowly went to sleep, now I woke and here I am crying and typing this down at 1:40 in the middle of the night.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised anymore it's all I ever known to be all those terrible things my parents say about me, since I was little that's all I ever heard, "just not good enough", "She causes to many problems", thats all I ever heard about me I don't think I ever once in my entire life heard my parents say anything wonderful about me let alone some other person, any chance I had to live a normal life gone for good now right now I have lots of issues with my self and I'm working at it trying to be better and it's hard but I guess this is just the way it has to be for me I guess...