I'm new and depressed

I understand your going through some tough stuff and first I want you to understand that even if the world is against you have  to try to be optimistic, now it's not easy but you have children try to be more part of their lives go have fun  with them go play video games, draw together, create amazing memories with them do anything, children are good at making things fun and their creativity is always great not only that but take some time for yourself figure out what you want to do in the present and what you could potentially do in the future and I know that you just went through a break and yes the reality is its hard to find good relationships but sometimes youll find it easier not having trust issues with a partner etc, after all your kids are the only one you can trust and they may be to key to your happiness even if they are a hassle to deal with sometimes, but for know you should take some rest sleeping after all is a good medicine for the mind adults rarely get enough sleep which is why the brain is so frustrated focus on your self there is nothing wrong with being a little selfish after all you need healing just go out in the nature wherever  you live just take in the nature's air because humans minds are like water if you agitate it, it becomes hard to see but once you allow the water to settle the answer becomes clear.

Hello! I’m new here, names Kayla. I’ve suffered with depression all through high school. And I finally thought I was in a good place after I had graduated. But I started feeling off when I was pregnant over a year ago. I just blamed on the pregnancy. I thought I’d get through it after she was born. And my life would be happy rainbows. But it’s really seemed to be getting so much worse. All I want to do is sleep, and I barely get enough sleep, I don’t ever want to leave to couch, or clean the house anymore. I try everyday to be strong for my baby. It take everything out of me just to do the bare minimum for my child. I can’t even get myself back to working and I love working. I’m terrified to work, my anxiety has spiked like crazy! It’s just been 9 months since my baby was born and I just feel more numb with no emotion. I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this.

Hey im new. I feel like i slip in and out of sadness and today is one of those days. Mainly because i have no friends and people always want to associate looks with me not having real problems and life must come easy to me. Anyways im very nice, understanding and giving. I feel like people drain me of it and leave me w/ nothing. Like this situationship ive been in for some yrs he has only made me feel worthless and used. Im just lost in this world.

@Nikkiblue83 please dont hate yourself! You’ll be okay! You just need to believe it! Your kids look up to you so ur somebodies hero! How had the relationship made u feel when u were in it?

My Fiancee and I have been together for almost 3 years. First year was great but we didn't want to rush the relationship because we've both been in abusive relationships before the other. Now, after 3 years we are still having personal problems mostly on my behalf but because I'm not as experienced either. We recently found out he has Heart Cancer and we are not married yet either. We are so different that we don't even have the same views as we would if we had kids. What do I do? We constantly argue all the time and when things get good, he has a tendency to let his dissociative Disorder work when things don't go right. I've given him chance after chance but I haven't budged much on my end either. Personally i don't think he wants me anymore. I'm so broken inside I can't cry anymore. I have a history of everyone likes me but then they discover how I am and are either mean and then leave or just leave and I'm just trying to be myself. I can be a bit much to handle sometimes but I get along with everyone usually. I have acne really bad and I'm short so I don't like the public very well and he has Agoraphobia. What do I do? I have a good head on my shoulders and I love him very much but we haven't been getting along lately. I need advice. 

@KattandJam4331 Hi. Im new here and this is my first comment. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder & Severe CPTSD. The depression can become unbearable. It's probably the hardest thing, Ive ever had to deal with. To possibly ease your mind a little, Its probably not you. When things get tough, that's usually when dissociation happens. Its the nature of the disease. It is "the" reason dissociation happens. It's not a choice. You reach a level of stress and youre there one second and gone the next. Im only sharing as information. You may already know this. I myself was the victim of early repeated childhood abuse, and was molested at the age 12; the weekend before my birthday. My life was never the same again. It pushed my mind to an all new level. Somehow, I managed to survive that, most likely due to the survival workings of the disease itself. I'd later go on later in life and  in the period of 6 weeks, to swim out of a flood alone, with my 2 year old while pregnant, and then  lose the baby, when he was 21 days old from a heart defect, followed by the death of my father in law, just 3 weeks later. Again, I was shattered. I somehow survived the tragedy again, only to be followed up with another tragedy; being apart of and witnessing the clean up my nephews suicide. See, the thing no one talks about, is that the police do not do that part.  But, I felt there was no way I could let my oldest son, (who insisted on doing it out of love) go alone, nor let my sister bare that pain. So, you do what you have to do. Again, I broke, and I knew at that moment, Id never be the same again.  Turn the clock forward several years and along came the diagnosis of CPTSD. It was less than 6 months ago, when I dissociated for 4+ hours during a CPTSD attack, suddenly  I was a 12 year old scared girl. Although my body was that of  a 49 year old. I was terrified to learn this at first. Although, I myself had always known something was different about me, and I kept losing time. D.I.D. happens before the age 9 usually. Mine was around 4. Its an illness, thats main objective is to stay hidden. Well.. theyre not secret anymore lol  So, I want you to know, that I know your pain. I fight it daily. I rarely go outside or near people at all for that matter, for  fear of the unknown. But, despite it all, Im trying to break free of that and become independent again; Learn to trust people again. Learn to heal the agoraphobia.. Learn that not every call has a "message of tragedy at the end. " I think, maybe we could support each other.   I see my husband struggle too. He's a good man and supportive. Maybe if we see things from another perspective, that we can help each other's situation? Both sides so to speak.  I can have a lot of  guilt, that I cant help the fact that I have this illness, and that it affects my husband.  It saddens me to no end. Do you think your Fiancé may be having some guilt issues such as this and that is what youre seeing? Maybe have a calm talk with him, and tell him your concerns? I know it sounds corny, but it has always worked for me. My husband has always said, that men dont take hints well lol I suppose If it were myself, Id open up and say what's bothering me. You never know, he may be feeling the same as you are. The stress of mental illness can lead to arguments if you dont remind yourself to keep calm. I struggle with that too. I may dissociate, then come back and have no idea what my husband is  talking about, right in the middle of him having a melt down. Until.. he realizes that I have no idea, what he's talking about! It can feel a lot like 50 first Dates at times. lol Its extremely exhausting! Im fortunate, Weve been together since Jr High School, and  our children are now grown. Im not old yet at 49, but not young either. But, I am also a load of successful marriage; a very loving one lol However, depression can be a strain on everyone. I want to live a happy normal life. My biggest problem is the same as yours...knowing where to start.  Even at my age.  Maybe we could simply, start by supporting  each other?I hope all this babbling helped. I didnt realize, that so much would come pouring out once I started lol Anyway, I hope you find some calmness in your heart and answers soon.  Wishing you well. 

Thank you for your support. This means a lot to me. A lot of that describes the situation exactly. I will try as you suggested.  

@Abb123 thank you very much. I’m dealing with things the best I can. Crying and work seems to keep me busy. I barely wanna do anything after work. But I slept and took a walk like u suggested n even tho I didn’t want to leave, the walk did help so thank u