Just talking through things

I'm not sure how this works yet or if I'm even in the right spot, so I'll just jump on in I guess. Iv been feeling like I'm drowning lately, and dont care to try and swim anymore. My husband isn't any help, mainly because hes most of the problem. Hes never treated me good, always cheats, hes been abusing physically a few times in the past and all the time emotionally. He never talks to me, or even acknowledges me until hes "in the mood". My financial status is just simply horrible. I lost my job due to covid 19 and I havent been able to get my foot in the door anywhere. I can only apply to places hes comfortable with, and those places typically dont want me because I'm now pregnant... I lost my apartment because he took all my money I thought was going towards Bill's and used it for god knows what. I'm currently living with my mother who has kicked me out and given me a week to gather my belongings because the shit job I have doesn't give me enough to pay her what she desires. I'm really at a loss and I could really use a shoulder to lean on and an ear to vent too. I'm not looking for miricals or problem solvers, hell I'm not even really expecting a response. Just being able to get some of this out somewhere is weight off my chest and this was the best I could find for free due to not having money to pay a therapist for a simple response. Life has been really tough and iv considered adoption for my baby, just so they have a good life because I dont feel I can give them anything they deserve. I dont want to do this, iv always wanted a child especially since iv been told all my life by doctors I cant have them. But I feel like keeping them makes me selfish.. and I'm going to stop there because I'm embarrassed for even saying this much but.. I just needed too man.

Sorry this is so jumbled, iv just never even tried to get anything out because iv never had someone to get it out too. If youv made it this far in my rambling, sorry, but thank you for listening.