Intimacy during and after cancer

@1984survivor! Hello 1984survivor!, thank you for opening this discussion! This is an important topic, as cancer can take a significant toll on not only our physical health, but on our mental health and intimate relationships.

We recently published an article on sexuality and chronic illness that may be helpful to you, let me link it here: Intimacy with a Chronic Illness

Let me tag some members who can maybe weigh in.

Hello everyone, I hope you're well! Has your cancer or your treatment affected your emotional and sexual life? Do you talk about it with your partner or significant other? What to you do to cope or to make things better?

@DarlaMccallister‍ @Davidy‍ @Jeanie1234‍ @MerylK‍ @tonibroad2‍ @Nikkie313‍ @Hind97‍ @moshiro‍ @Michelle413‍ @Sammygirl‍ @Char26‍ @Jenniferrebert‍ @Patty22373‍ @Georgie‍ @Sexy667‍ @Paul58‍ @Sentient‍ @Rolmoto‍ 

Feel free to share your thoughts, doubts, fears and feelings here! We're all here to help each other!

Take care,
Courtney

My wife died from a parotid gland cancer that metastasized and eventually killed her.  Until her death I  continued to periodically make love to her until a month before she died.  While she lost her hair and 60 pounds it was important to continue with what we still had between us until one day she felt it uncomfortable.  I think she was trying to take care of me and it made her feel good to still be my woman. I think this gave her the message that she was still attractive to me.   I made a bid deal out of how much pleasure she was giving me.  The last month, when she was awake, I would still tell her how beautiful she was every day.  Disabling illness causes losses, day by day.  One day she needed oxygen, another day we couldn't take walks.  We weren't going to lose anything between us until we had to, so we maintained our sexual relationship as best we could. 

@smarc1214 Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm beyond sure your wife felt so loved. Support, and most importantly, love, are so vitally important when you're going through a disease like cancer.

@smarc1214 Thank you for sharing that, you brought me to tears. I know words do nothing to ease pain, but my sincerest condolences for your loss. Your wife sounds like a wonderful, beautiful person.

 @1984survivor!  Cancer does its best to make us feel undesirable so I understand you not wanting to look at yourself. But you are beautiful and your SO knows that. I felt the same way and it wasn't until I had an honest conversation with my partner about how I was feeling that things started to change. He hadn't tried to initiate because he was afraid of hurting me or didn't want to cross boundaries knowing what my body was going through. Have you been able to talk to him about it? Maybe your SO is hesitant too?

@1984survivor!‍ It's completely normal to feel that way, your body has been through complete hell and it's in "heal mode". Let your body and mind heal. You can still be close with your husband emotionally. And if he's a good man like I'm sure he is, he will love you and be there for you regardless. 

I am 63 years old with prostate cancer my sex life gone but I am married I won't to leave my wife so that she can have a life. Need feedback 

@DannyBass Hello DannyBass, thank you for sharing what you're going through. I've moved your comment to this discussion here about intimacy and cancer. 

Can anyone share their thoughts or experiences with DannyBass? Did you or a loved one struggle with intimacy during or after your cancer treatment? How did you manage it? Can you share any thoughts or advice?
@NorrisAve‍ @2BYourOwnHero‍ @Maryanne780‍ @Waldo13‍ @Me&spence‍ @nbq0105‍ @Puddin‍ @Roxycherrytop‍ @Hoppledog‍ @Lumppy‍ @CarolynDawn‍ @divemdeb‍ @dogmom103‍ @MyCure1‍ @Christinahamrick‍ @ildiko‍ @Baddicted‍ 

Take care,
Courtney

So I need to know if anyone else out there besides me, who loves sex has now became not into it?! Will I be able to touch my fiancé  that way again. I feel like I'm going to lose him. He thinks I'm not attracted to him.. Someone help please

Hi @Hope13, thank you for sharing, I've moved your comment to this pre-existing discussion about intimacy and cancer. 🙂

Has anyone else struggled with libido or intimacy along your journey with cancer? How have you managed it? Can you share any support or advice?

@Tricket01@livingston133c@ejurenec316@CharlesLRJ@ArielleC@Anume4Life@tamera52@Meljrw@Diane870@rlw138@Countryck@baybay559@Artvogt@cheryoak@Bettyb58@Kev2020@nancoid@MrsMDuke@Farrah

Take care,

Courtney