To the Class of 2020 - mourning our senior year

I guess it’s official now, the remainder of my senior year is online. The lesson I have learned during my school time is that I can do this . The ways I have Learned this that I have taken on challenges in my school life that I thought were impossible for me . But I have proved myself wrong in so many ways . Some of those ways are that I have been through a very long fight with loving myself . Another way is that I have worked on my speech . The last way is that I have worked very hard on my grades so I can work on loving myself why I’m in school . I have had times were I did think that I can’t do this but I have done this and I’m still doing this everyday working on myself and becoming more proud of myself everyday I go on with my goals with Ms.Kari have been working on that I know I can reach these goals that we have for me .I feel a bit odd about it, I know it’s for the greater good and will genuinely save lives. With that, I can almost feel okay, especially as someone who is different , but at the same time I’m not okay.I won’t have my last concert,I won’t have prom or walk across the graduation stage and be handed my diploma (most likely). I had no idea that the last time we were at school, was the last time I would walk the halls of the high school as a regular student.I miss the chance to make a lot of memories a younger version of me didn’t even know I would live to see. For the first time in the years I can remember, I have lived in a growth mindset, and for now I think I will have to move into survival mode again. Which is heartbreaking, but it will keep me focused on the future. While now is hard, and scary and confusing and sad, I just have to remember I am doing this for the version of myself that is happy and content. The version of me that gets through college and becomes a teacher who has a good life, The days to come are uncertain and scary, but we can do our part now to make sure that while there are many last’s we may not experience, at least we can say that our breaths, our health, our lives, do not end here.Stay safe, and do what you need to take care of yourself.We’ll get through this, no matter how hard it is now. I wouldn’t be so emotional about this if it wasn’t for the fact I put so much work into being healthy enough to get through high school, I had many therapy sessions, failed medications, breakdowns, etc. to get to this point. I did it all because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do this, I wanted my senior year to be the start of real growth giving up the chance at memories, seeing my friends, all so that I could be the best version of myself and have a year full of memory making and be healthy while doing it. I’m proud I got what I did, but this next couple months was where it all mattered the most.I put so much effort in, and I’m so glad I got the time that I did, but I’m still sad that I don’t get the whole payoff for all of that effort. But the amazing people in my life will see me grow past this. I'm cub strong and will make a difference in this world . I will put the effort in to finish this year as a senior. The quote that defines me is “Never give up’’ the four reasons this quote defines me . The reason is that I have never given up on this battle I have been through during my school life . No matter what gets put on my shoulder I don’t let it get the best of me .I have been bullied all throughout school and never gave up . I have been diagnosed with three mental illnesses and was still able to fight the battle life gave me with the challenges I have become so much stronger over the years . I have wanted to give up in the past but I did not give up on my life because I know I matter and that I’m worth it . I have been told to give up by mean people but I believe I have shown them that I don’t care what they think .