Looking for some support and uplifting conversations

Hello all, haven't visited this site in awhile now but hoping to improve on that.  Been dealing with depression for about 20 years now and have found several methods in dealing with it.  From talking to someone, use creativity like writing or drawing, and even tried growing some plants.  Not sure what plant I've been growing for the past 3 yrs but I think its a fern that I named Freddy.  I think for some like me, one method is not enough.  Depression is caused by a wide range of things so it takes a wide range of things to deal with it. It could be one thing or a combination of things.  At least that's what I've experienced and think.  

My latest method came out of the blue.  I had a family member pass away due to covid last month.  I was depressed and angry.  It was late at night and I stood outside looking at the sky and just started talking to God and the stars.  First I ranted, then I apologized, then I pleaded, then I cried, and well....you get the picture.  Since then I've done it a few times.  Just sitting outside looking at the sky and letting it all out.  No one to judge or ridicule you, or bother you, just you, God, the stars in the sky.  And maybe your next door neighbor peeking through her window but that's ok, she needs to wash her dirty car anyways hehe. Anyways I hope this helps and thank you all for sharing and letting me do the same

Hi,

    I'm hear to talk to if anyone wants to talk. 

       -azealeas

Hello everyone,

I haven’t been in this chat group before. I’m looking for some support and help. I’m the primary caregiver to my wife Linda. She has Diffuse large B cell lymphoma. Her first round of chemo almost killed her, she couldn’t eat or move around. I’m proud to be able to care for her with no reservations. I’m doing all the house work, cleaning, laundry, cooking, grocery shopping and driven for errands and appointments. I’m glad I’m semi retired and able to be home with her. Linda was in remission but a week ago we learned that the last PET scan shows the cancer is back and active. It’s like being kicked in the gut. We’ll fight it again and somehow beat it again,I never give up! On top of all that I’m a recovering alcoholic. I’m 16 months sober. I’m also fighting chronic liver disease. Recently for the first time in my life I fell into a deep dark depression. I disconnected, sometimes not eating  for 3 days. I had my normal 2 week appointment with my Dr  She was very concerned about how much I had fallen backwards. She hooked me up with the clinics psychiatrist and she’s helping me. Now Linda will have to under go painful bone marrow transplants over 3 weeks at Mayo Clinic.

I guess I’m  just overwhelmed and feeling alone and isolated. I’m here reaching out to anyone who wants to chat and share support. I’m just at a low point in my life.   Thank you,  Gary  

@azaleas   I’m always open for a chat and support. Feel free to contact me.

@GarySprenger Hi Gary! I appreciate the dedication to your wife. Please make sure that you carve out time for yourself. If you aren't good then it makes it a lot harder to be there for anyone else. Sending you love and peace

I’m trying to. Had a 5 hour surgery today so I’m going to be slow for a couple days.  Have we set up as friends?  
Thank you!

@GarySprenger Praying for a safe and speedy recovery. I don't think we are friends but that is easy to rectify. 

Hi. I just want to say it got easier for me when my mom was murder. It just take alot of time you never get over it. But you will learn how to live with it. I just tell my self when i think of her is she at peace and watching over me. 

@Ssueyd WOW. Sue. You have had one heck of a roller-coaster ride in life , haven't you? Probably more than you ever wanted in a life time, I presumed. My late wife of 30 years,, was raped and molested by a family member during childhood. I always understood her trauma, and never pushed the issue of sex when she wasn't ready. I miss her dearly and loved her dearly. We were 98% compatible. Her family was "complicated" and being of Mexican heritage and culture, I remained calm and collect during family gatherings. I am of 95% French and 5% Mexican heritage. I come from a very long line of educators, doctors and some politicians. I am no better than anybody else , Sue. I abhor any form of known abuse: mental. physical, verbal, or sexual abuse. I detest male counterparts; who act narcissistic, arrogant,  and or macho-type behaviors. No one needs or deserves to become a victim of behaviors of that nature. I find that young men of today, are savages. Beasts , who don't know when enough is enough. Always wanting more from their female companion and making them pay for it in the end. I can honestly say, Sue, that from the story that you have told, you have endured more than a human being could possibly endured and it is so very sad that this has happened in your life. Please feel free to write back . I am an excellent listener, with a good sense of humor. Very patient, amiable, easy going and retired. If you need support, and a good down to earth sort of friend, feel free to write back.  Harry.

I’m feeling better with increased anti depression medication. I call them happy pills jokingly. I’m usually upbeat and positive. When my pains are at their worse and I can’t be there for my family is when I get the most overwhelming sad. My mom is doing well with her chemo. I need breast surgery again for a new tumor but benign thank God. My bf cancer is still in remission and I’m having hard time finding work with all my health issues. I don’t want to omit my health issues when looking for work because it will only set me up to fail. My cobra insurance is running out since I got laid off at beginning of pandemic. I’ve taught myself to paint. I find it very relaxing. I try not to stress about things I can’t control. I do what I can and I try my best. It’s all that I can do. I’m going back into physical church now that I’m vaccinated as well as some of my closest relatives. I can’t convince some of my skeptical loved ones to get va y but you can only lead a horse to water.

i think everyone should have an outlet an activity that relaxes you. A hobby that takes your mind off problems. We all have issues. We all need to believe in something. We all need at least the one friend or family member who is positive helpful sane.

don’t give up. find help. speak to someone. God helps those who help themselves. I pray when overwhelmed and God never gives me more than I can handle. I feel at peace at church. I feel comfort when listening to gospel. I’ve calmed myself down listen to audio of Bible. I basically look for word to do with issues I’m dealing with and just lay and listen with head phones.

you need someone to listen you need to know you are not the only one going threw it. You need to hear how others cope. You can find ways to meditate to relax to unwind to let out rage. You need to change your environment. Get away from friends and family who only put you down who only take take take. There are so many people who give bad advice who enjoy hearing how messed up your life is. Who have less or worst luck than you. Who enjoy other people’s pain. 

learn to be alone with yourself and get away. go out in nature. Feel the peace of nature. Teach yourself a skill. Read books listen to motivational uplifting books podcast prayer etc.