Looking for some support and uplifting conversations

@Coach73 Hi Coach73, thank you for opening this discussion. I'm sorry to hear about your mom, I'm sure it hasn't been easy either trying to grieve during a pandemic. I hope you can find some comfort and support here in our group!

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Hi members, what do you do to find a little positivity through your depression? Are there little things in  your day that make you smile?

Feel free to share any support, advice, or tips with us here! 

Take care,
Courtney

@Courtney_J I often find happiness by listening to music or talking with a friend. It doesn't always work, but its it's something. 

Yeah, music is my go to. But not always the fix. Just seems people don’t understand when you feel bad. They always want to say it’s in your head or you choose to feel this way. Not the case at all. Once you’ve had a health scare it changes you more mentally then physically. 

I understand how you’re feeling coach73, sometimes I feel like when I share with my peers that they don’t understand or that I am over sharing and I’m not receiving any help after I shared everything to them and I also have a fear that they would use the information against me so that’s why I created an anonymous account on here to get advice without people knowing me personally and music tends to intensify that sadness for me and often listen to music when I feel like crying my eyes out will relieve some of the sadness. Another advice that I hate hearing after I open myself up to others is “oh, well things will get better” because I know in fact they will most likely not get better. Ways that helped me; hanging out with fun and charismatic people, going out a lot (because I realized when I’m at home and in my room, That’s when I’m left alone with my thoughts and then I tend to overthink),... the biggest advice I give to you is to limit the amount of time that you spend at home because home is filled with so many depressive thoughts and memories for me. I hope you feel better coach!

The sound of children laughing, reading, plants

Hi, my name is Sue, I have had depression  for at least close to 30 years, or at least that I am aware of. I first became aware of it before I left my husband of 20 yrs. I wasn’t upset about the marriage breaking up, but sad that I had stayed  with a mental verbal and sexual abuser for so long! I hadn’t wanted my children to go through what I went through, when my own mother left when I was 13 yrs old. ( I also have unresolved abandonment issues.  

It seemed that everything hit me at once. The night before I moved out, I had a uterine hemorrhage. But, it contained itself to just the one day. I did see my Gyn, who couldn’t appreciate a cause so she ordered an ultrasound . That showed multiple  degerativr fibroid tumors.    I had realized that this MD was not going to be any help to me when, after doing a D& C and a larascopy she did nothing but tell me there was too much bleeding to see what was going on!!! That was in March  In April , I hemmoraged at work and needed to go to the ER.  Well I switched Gyns at this point and had my hysterectomy in July. I lost my job in June because my employer, who had nothing but praise for me, “ let me go” because he couldn’t handle watching what was happening to me!!!! GIVE ME A BREAK!! 

Well inwas seeing a therapist, had seen a psychiatrist and ended up on Zoloft I was to discover that I had been raped many times during my marriage. I knew of the one time when he had ripped off my clothes and forcibly raped me. But with talking to friends and then my therapist, I realized that when you say “ NO”,

IT MEANS NO!! How may times ?? Too many to count! Did he know I was unhappy?? Well he would look down at me, see me crying and say” are you crying? Why are you crying”!!! AND CONTINUE UNTIL HE WAS FINISHED. 

There have been so many other circumstances, events causing more trauma. Enough that I no longer trust anyone, or very few. 

I had joined a sexual assault group called Survive to Thrive. It was to be a co Ed group and for the first time a male would be in the group.  He was much younger, had hair difficult  childhood w dysfunctional parents and had later been sexually abused by a older peer.  I respected him for coming forward and talking about his abuse. He was a very kind spirited young man, and we quickly became friends when the group had come to an end .  Over the next few months we grew closer , it was soo easy to talk to him. He also had CPTSD, and a few triggers, that I needed to avoid, words like hugs, love and ❤️  Made him feel dirty and he would freeze up. Well, our friendship became stronger after March, when the COVID pandemic hit. He always spoke or text me in front of his children and his wife . His was knew that he had support from fellow victims, because she couldnt understand what his problem was. Then, by the end of April, things started to change. He would tell me how he had s fight w his wife about him texting someone all of the time! He initiated just as many calls as me . Then, he started “ sneaking” all of the contact w me, even to the point of texting me from bed after she was asleep.!! 

Well  our friendship had a few rocky moments , but we generally would lift each other’s spirits out of a dark place! I don’t know how many times that he said to me that NO ONE HAD EVER SUPPORTED HIM OR GIVEN HIM THE SUPPORT HE NEEDED LIKE I DID AND THAT I HAD SAVED HIS LIFE NUMEROUS BTIMES. 

This past July 26, we had a terrible argument, he said something that hit me to the core. It made me feel like I was just like my mother.  We have not spoken since.  I miss him terribly, but, I fear, that our “ friendship” had gone further than that on both sides and  he realized that he just might be cheating on his wife , emotionally, at least, with me, after I brought up the sneaking of phone calls. Now, I am lonelier and more depressed than ever

I find being around animals helps me. Today was an especially bad day for me and I was driving and crying and my little 16 wk old puppy sat next to me on the center council and whimpered and licked my cheek. Animals won't judge and have unconditional love. Other then that camping helps as weird as that sounds lol. To me it kind of helps reset everything from you internal clock to your mental clarity. 

Hello everyone, thank you all for sharing your tips! Maybe they can help some of us find a bright spot in a dark time! 

Does any one have any hobbies or passion projects that help you feel better? Do you play an instrument? Do you write stories or poetry? Are you into photography or the fine arts? 

Feel free to share any photos of your work or the thing(s) that make you happy here! 📕🩰📷🎵🎸🖋️🎨🎭

Take care,
Courtney

@Courtney_J I got into writing during quarantine and it really helped me. I don't write anything creative like stories or anything because I'm nowhere near creative enough for that, but it's mostly to write down my thoughts and what  I'm doing and feeling. Sometimes I don't have any ideas or inspiration so I don't force myself, or sometimes I look up journal prompts or ideas and I pick one out and write on it. I wish I knew how to play an instrument because i love music though!

@Ssueyd You seem to be going through a lot and I just want you to know that I am here if you need someone to speak to. I go through my ups and downs (today was an UP kind of day) but I'm always down to listen. It's so heartbreaking to have someone in your life (romantic or platonic) and then all of a sudden not have them. It's difficult because he's married as well but he made HIS decisions, choices by deciding to hide you from his wife. He could have easily included her and asked her to maybe meet up (the 3 of you) or have a video chat and she would be able to see how you might be more of a mentor to him than a "link-up". You cannot take fault in him treating you or his wife badly or keeping both of you out of the loop. I believe you were looking for a friend and he took it as something else or maybe he just took solace in having someone who actually understood him for once. Either way, I think you're brave for sharing your story.