Need someone to talk to/Listen to others

I don’t see my friends either.with COVID it is hard .I do talk to them over the phone.  My feelings of anxiety is a little different but it can’t be seen in your blood test.  Seeing a psychiatrist could help with your anxiety with medication or maybe a therapist could help.  I get very nervous and feel it in my body and get very irritable.  It’s hard to think and do things well.  You are not alone.  

@Cathys Hello, thank you for your message. Feel free to message me as well if you ever need someone to talk to. 

Life is worth it

@kay_008 Hi Kay. You seem so discouraged and overwhelmed with the business of living, correct? I am not a person who preys on someone who is vulnerable. I make it my business to never pursue that type of vice. In this day and age, people need others , who are willing to listen unconditionally and be supportive , I consider myself a very good listener.,I am well educated; both of the mind and the heart. I am not looking for a relationship at the moment as my beloved wife passed away recently and I feel it wouldn’t be fair to her or you to commence a relationship at this time. I am being open and honest with you. But I will listen to you and listen intently and with respect to you. -Harry

Hi I have depression and anxiety but I am mostly here for my depression. The last couple of years my depression has been better but since the pandemic started I have noticed my mood changing . I feel like my depression is coming back and I try to just get myself in a good place but the depression just keeps creeping up on me . I don’t have suicidal thoughts or anything I just feel sad and stuff no reason . I feel lonely even though I have by family . I just need someone to talk to.

Hi everyone. I’m extremely sad for no particular reason. I’m currently at work crying (work from home). I’m trying to hide me tears from my family because I don’t have an explanation for them.  I’m 1 week off Lexapro due to insurance issues. I want to go climb in bed but I must work. I don’t know what to do 

its hard. How do you hide your depression from a 8 year old that has to see and deal with all the negitive things being said to there mother and them and now you can see that your little one is depressed too now how how please some one tell me....... she sits with me and tries to confort me im the one thats suopsta hold her and protect her and and it just gets worse my life always falls apart and there is only my kids there to confert me not my boyfriend of almost 8 years the last 4 years has ben heartbreak and hell for me and my kids.......

Hello everyone,

I don’t know where to begin, so I guess I’ll start with now and work backwards....

I’m 6 months pregnant and I am regretting it dearly. I’ve been in a relationship with my husband (H) for over 14 years. We met when I was 19 and he was 26. He had two kids already and needed help in raising them. H was very sweet and was so different than the other guys I dated so we hit it off. I helped raise his youngest who was just walking.

During that time I worked fast food and went to get my cosmetology license. I was so proud of myself for having accomplished that since my immediate family didn’t graduate from any kind of secondary school. However, I didn’t prove to be successful enough monetarily speaking and was too afraid to try and step out on my own.

During that time H complained about having the burden of children and how he never wanted them because he knew he would have to do it alone (their mom skipped out), then I got pregnant and he was livid. We argued constantly but in the end I ended up miscarrying around five months. We stayed together through it and I started taking heavier birth controls to help prevent pregnancy....As we continued to raise his youngest child (his oldest was living with his mom), He would talk about feeling trapped and depressed about having children...He would talk about the things he couldn’t provide for the child or for us and what simple luxuries we were missing on...He talked about this at least once a month for years...I tried for 8 years to be successful enough to support us, since he was staying at home raising the youngest. But ultimately I failed. So we ended up living with his mom while I went back to school to become a teacher. 

Living with his mom seemed like a great choice; we could save money, and bring his two children together to form a relationship. The stress of knitting these two families together grew each month and arguments would happen regularly. I was still working as a hairdresser while going to school and finally graduated, even under the stress. But my health started to decline and migraines would debilitate me until I finally saw a doctor who recommended me not to take birth control as taking it was causing me to be sick. 

I felt like a failure. His mom would find ways to pick on me and the youngest child. The house was becoming divided and H was battling alcoholism and severe depression. I just wanted peace, to come home from work or school and there not to be a screaming match or someone acting vindictively. I would stay in my bedroom for the majority of the time. His mom became so toxic that no one would hang out downstairs and watch tv anymore. The youngest child’s self esteem was starting to drop and the oldest starting getting rebellious and manipulative.

I decided I had enough and told H I couldn’t do it anymore. I had tried for four years to make it work but that I hated living there. I told him I was taking his youngest with me so he could grow in a positive environment.

H took what I said to heart and quit drinking that day. He never picked up another drink and within 8 months, we (H, his youngest, and I) were moving into an apartment. Things started to look up. My health was better now that I wasn’t on birth control. His youngest was smiling and upbeat, H was more involved with everything from cleaning to grocery shopping. We had four months of bliss. 

But not being on birth control took away our protection of me getting pregnant. And through quarantine and just being so happy to be able to move from a toxic situation, I end up pregnant. Everything came crashing down once again. After I told H that I was pregnant, his whole demeanor changed. He started talking about leaving me, being angry that this happened. That he didn’t want anymore children. I told him I’d get an abortion and scheduled an appointment, but I told him I’d need his support through it since it was reopening the wounds of my miscarriage, and my two botched IUD surgeries. Add that to my childhood sexual abuse and I was terrified of having to face going through with the abortion alone. 

But he said he had his own traumas he was trying to heal from—having to abandon his oldest child, breaking his relationship from his mother...that he would take me to the place and back and be there—but how I took it, was that I was on my own. H still talked about leaving and was triggering my abandonment issues, so I chickened out of the abortion. 

To say he was livid is an understatement, and I told him that I was scared and that I’d raise the child on my own since I know he doesn’t like kids. He just stared at me in disbelief. H couldn’t understand why I was making this decision after years and years of him preaching how much He hated kids. 

I didn’t fully understand the weight of the situation I was putting us all in by keeping this child. But now that it is too late for an abortion; I finally get it. Financially, I screwed us over. Health insurance alone will cost us over $1,000, and due to covid—I’m the breadwinner and therefore we only had a couple hundred dollars in breathing room. Now we will go into debt just with health insurance, that doesn’t even cover any expenses the baby will need. I have forced us to keep a single earning household because childcare cost too much so H is stuck at home again having to raise a child. 

We really don’t have any family support since he estranged himself from his side of the family and me not fully trusting my side of the family due to my childhood sexual traumas. 

Rent will have to go up in price since we will need an extra bedroom....my job doesn’t pay for maternity leave so once my sick days are used up, my paychecks will start to decrease....and the list keeps growing. 

Now I wake up everyday wanting to cry. Feeling the baby move is a constant reminder of how foolish I was to make a decision like this. I’ve costed my marriage—H has told me that once he can get on his feet, he is leaving—that he’ll still be a dad but that our relationship is over for breaking his trust. I watch H as he tries to be positive and fails—then we have conversations for hours about what this child will do to him, us, and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I am so unmotivated to do anything. But I force myself to do the minimum since my income is out sole income coming in. I fake a smile at work so my students don’t see how much I hurt and I lose myself in my tasks at work so my mind doesn’t start to wander to negative thoughts. At home I try to keep it light and help out around the house, anything to try and get my mind off of just how depressed I really am. 

The baby will be here before I  know it and I can’t even connect with her while she’s inside me. This feeling will just keep getting worse and for once, I can’t think of anything to fix it. I usually can fix things that go wrong, but I feel so lost. I can’t talk to anyone about this and for about two days I’ve felt like I can’t breathe. I’ve been crying off and on for hours now, and I’ve tried to stop because I know it’s not good for the baby, but I can get a hold of myself. Please help! 

sorry for the long post, and thank you so much for reading this if you’ve got this far. 

@blondield I feel you. I'm always here if you need to talk.. I've been at my job for year and a half ..I have   social anxiety there...I have kids so I can't exactly quit but the thought of going to work exhausts me. Mentally and physically.   I tend to fall for men pretty quickly and one of my coworkers started flirting with me gave me his number which he offered then pulled away from me I was very much into this person I have anxiety and abandonment issues that's pretty much why I clung to him so much and now I just feel like I can't be there anymore too much he says Hi and bye sometimes and we have conversation sometimes not much but it bothers me at the end of the day that he just pulled away. I definitely could use somebody to talk to hopefully we can be each other's soundboard...

Hello to all the comments that just can not get up and going do to depression and or aniexty. And others as well. For I, I buy flower seeds or starter plants to put in pots to grow. Even some plants to produce food. You can talk to the flowers or any plant you choose. Let them know all your feelings. Their good listeners. lol And just have a wonderful time creating your own rewards. Its okay to talk to them. Its our secret.