Suicidal thoughts: You are worthy of being here

Hello @HarryDecuir‍, thank you for sharing your thoughts and words of encouragement. It can be so hard to see the way out when you're in a dark place.

Has anyone else struggled with this? What helped in the past or helps you now when you're feeling your lowest?
@Kelsadelsa‍ @Mochasz‍ @Rax4434‍ @Razor-‍ @Hanahpolo619‍ @Rosemary8891‍ @Kelco88‍ @Christmas‍ @Elissaray‍ @Tdob03‍ @LydiaRN‍ @Roses111‍ @Rennae1345‍ @Nirvana‍ @Shanny1998‍ @spooky247247‍ @Slim123‍ @markadious506‍ 

Feel free to share here!

Take care,
Courtney

@Courtney_J yes it can, Courtney. But there is God and through good people. God works his ” wonderous miracles”. It takes faith, hope and love, unconditionally. It all takes the faith of a mustard seed and  living life one day at time, regardless. So with that said, remember that “A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step” a Chinese proverb. - Harry

Before knowing Jesus I had suicidal thoughts just was too scared to act on them. I would think of different ways I could die. I was frustrated with life. I knew of a God just didn’t feel close to him. I kept myself from following through because I had my daughter to live for. I survived domestic violence and got away. I had thought it was better to let him kill me than live without him. I was able to live in my own and then found out he had abused my daughter sexually. My daughter then started blaming me for staying with him when though I was not aware of abuse. My daughter started threatening to kill herself. My depression increased. I felt I failed to keep her safe. Failed as a parent. I offered to die with her. I even stopped in intersection in traffic to die together after she had a breakdown in the car one day we were in the way to school. She later had to deal with my multiple hospitalizations for kidney stones and kidney infections. I was a single mom for many years and struggled to make ends meet. After an argument with my daughter she took 15 of my tramadol medication attempting to kill Herself to punish me for arguing with her. I arrived to aide warned by one of her friends and rushed her to ER. Baker acted her and she was sent to physic ward. Her friend invited her to church. She was saved. And then got me to go to church with her and I was saved. I then lean on God strength to help me with my depression and the many many trials that followed. Multiple medical issues multiple family issues multiple pains that worsened. Living in constant physical pain. Dealing with boyfriends cancer. Mother’s cancer. Sister’s suicidal thoughts. Every time I feel overwhelmed I pray. I listen and sing gospel and I listen to the Bible with earbuds. I’ve managed to keep my owns suicidal thoughts at bay. I have really bad days. I struggle most days. But I give it to God when I can’t deal with more. My best friend is my confidant and I’m hers as she also has Lupus and has her bad days as well. We meditate give each other support, advise and help.  

What if family don't love me and I'm starting to become a burden. I'm not graduate yet. Relatives are toxic too. I try to ignore but things are more harder for me. Gossiping and nagging around. In my country, it's not possible to get a job for student like me. I have suicide thoughts but I need to pay my tuition fees that family supported. They are asking for it and I feel guilty to die but I can't stand their rude words. I think at least I have value to respect. What should I do? You can advise me if u have some idea.

I have tried a couple of times I was just so frustrated with everything and didn’t really care about anything but it wasn’t my time I guess trying to maintain but it’s. A daily struggle got some more surgeries coming up and tired of feeling bad but we’re still trying. 

I have full-faith in the Lord. It won't be so fast though.

I know it would break my mom's heart and that just smacks me in my face. 

I woke up yesterday calmly supporting my own suicidal thoughts. I was planning and accepting it, not as a fate, but as a task, on a to-do list and as nonchalant as going to the restroom or emptying the trash bin and all would be okay if I just hung myself in a tree deep in the nearby woods. There was a romance along with it too, that made the third person point of view of my own story a beautiful sight to see. As if I were making a painting of myself for whoever it was to find my corpse to finally understand that I’m hanging here from a tree in the forest and have finally found the peace that I’ve been in search of my whole life.

I don’t know why, but this has been my mindset for nearly two decades and I’m only now putting it into words and sharing it with others. I don’t know what to expect from this, but I only hope it helps others.

@72ozSteakHouse There may be nothing I can say because your story can only be truly understood by you... all I will say is that the way you describe all this beauty in such darkness would make for a hell of a writer. Lastly, the fact that you mention possibly helping others would be amplified by the way social media can reach others in many platforms. Think about investing your time on that that would otherwise be non existent if your no longer around. Hope to read some more from you.

@Ela786 Thank you for your precious words! Who knows what tomorrow brings, but I survived myself for today amd that’s a peaceful accomplishment.