How to separate bipolar disorder from our personality?

I am new here. Reading all your stories makes me feel not so alone. I was manic for 3 months working hard and taking care of my 3 kids but spending money like crazy and not sleeping. I wasnt drinking for two months but my mind said I should. Just to fit in. I had about 4 drinks at a bday party and blacked out. I wasnt drunk but everyone thought I was. My first psychosis black out. Ruined the bday party. Traumatized my kids, which their father had to come get them, he says they dont want to be with me or talk to me right now. All of this led to a suicide attempt and in patient care. So many moods, having no clue which one is the actually me. Just feel lost until a manic episode comes and I feel confident again. Then it'll just lead me back to depression. Hoping when my maximum dose starts I'll be level. Yet what is level? What is normal?

@Courtney_J Most of you sound younger and/or recently diagnosed. I am 68 yo, but feel younger. I suffered for many years before diagnosis and treatment. I was lucky enough to have a health insurance, Kaiser, that at the time had a bi-polar/medication group 3 times per week. I don't think they have it that anymore. We did a check in every time. We told how we thought we were on the bi-polar scale and then we'd get feedback from the therapist and other members. I hope you all can find something like that. The motto of that group was "Stress is your enemy: Sleep is your friend". I always keep that in mind and if anybody challenges me I just do what I need to do. Try to keep in touch with your doctor as to your medication and how its working. If its not, or you need more or something else stay on top of this. Remember, this is what you have, not who you are! Like diabetes. I can assure you that people find you fun and many are jealous of your energy and abilities. Even though the super highs get you in trouble and feel "too" good, people will wish they could feel that productive, happy, energetic or whatever. When in a state my highs are so high and my lows are so low I wouldn't wish this on anybody. As the years go by with experience and proper medication I'm closer to my "even" than ever. I give it a few weeks to a month and if I feel like I'm stuck in depression I get in touch with my doctor to either change medication or increase/decrease my meds. 

I went 20 years undiagnosed. I thought my personality during that time was my real personality. Now that I've been on meds for 12 years I feel like I have found my real personality and my real moral standards. I had a lot of fun while I was manic but hurt a lot of people and that's not what I'm truly about.

You need to have your meds looked at it doesn't seem to be helping please call the Dr asap or go to hospital.

Talk to your doctor about this. If you have a therapist even better. They will be able6 to help you with this feeling. Or listen to people in here. I hope you feel better.

It's hard to know whatyou need or want all the time. If it's a good thing, go for it. If you think it's harmful talk with someone about it to see if it's something worth doing.

Hang in there y9ou know yourself. Best thingi to do is to talk to you therapist about this oru your doctor. They may have some good insite or coping skills that can help. We are her also. We will listen to anything you have to say and support you any way we can.

Keep your head up.

Yes, totally get this everyday, your not alone feeling this way.