Feeling isolated from people because of COVID-19

Mornings are the worst.  Everything is black, there is no hope, no future, no nothing.  I feel like I’m being physically assaulted.  My entire body hurts.  I used to call it an invisible pain because it’s everywhere and nowhere at the same time.  It’s like being a convict on death row sitting in the electric chair but you never really die.  You are just shocked over and over again without even the relief of death.  Right now all I want to do is drink myself into unconsciousness.  Right now, all I want is the relief of the bottle.  The warm glow of an old friend warming my insides.  My old friend that comes out of the bottle and makes everything alright again.  Takes away the pain and makes me whole again.  Makes me be able to face the world and all the horrors of daily existence. 

@castledepress I completely get that black hole feeling. It's overwhelming, and both physically and mentally exhausting. It's hard to keep going when you don't see a way out, so maybe stop looking "out"? Even in those small moments of relief, enjoy them, and if you can, find what gives you those moments so you can have more of them (unless it's an unhealthy relief). Look inward, and find your own peace. Especially in this world today, I've found that I have to be my own source of relief sometimes. I have found meditation to be extremely helpful- I will just lay in my hammock and try to forget everything else. Some days I have extreme difficulty relieving any stress, but other days I can just sink into pure relaxation. Maybe find something similar- a bubble bath or a big comfy chair and pillow? Just find COMFORT. 

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

@PolarBearDog5 I have also been isolating much more than I used to, and I have social anxiety to begin with. I haven't decided so much if it's been a good thing or not...

So for me I outrun my depression by keeping busy with outside things like part time jobs and doing community theatre...but covid solation is really starting to drag me down. Too much alone time shows me how really alone I am.  It's scary that this may continue for another year...i'm getting to the point that I may not make it another week.