Feeling lost and lonely

I'm sorry for all the sadness. I'm bipolar. Holidays and winter make me depressed. Give me sunshine and warm days and I feel really good. I had a bad drug problem. I'm 4 1/2 yr. clean. I turn to the God of my understanding now instead of the drugs. Thank God for my support group too. Without God and NA I'd be dead. I'll be praying for all of us to feel better. 

@Tammyhickman46‍  I can totally relate.  For the past 20yrs I've unknowingly isolated myself from the world. Just go to work and then go home with a few visits outside that schedule.  Being depressed for so long helped that along no doubt. Then while browsing the web I found this place and learned i wasn't alone. I learned I wasn't weird or that it's hopeless.  Through here i gained awareness and acceptance about myself and realised I wanted to improve my life. From there I strived every day.  Little by little with a few slips here and there but still stepping forward.

I hope this place helps you as it has me. Here you are not alone. Here you are with people like you who struggle with issues as well as the world at large.  I hope and pray your life becomes what you wish it to be

@Tammyhickman46 i understand ur pain. It seems since Covid thier is so much more isolation. I hope u find ur outlet and if u need a pen pal im here for u. I too am isolated and lonely. I pray peace be to you.

I feel lonely. I’m starting new meds today but they took away my sleeping pill so I am not able to sleep anymore. I am just laying awake. I wish there was someone to comfort me but there never has been someone who made me feel safe in my life. I have never truly shared my feelings with someone bc when I was young my parents and sister would scold me if I cried or showed negative emotions. I am very sensitive so I listened and never showed someone when I was sad or what I truly felt. I cannot cry except for if I’m driving alone in my car or in a dark room by myself. If realized that if I left my life behind there is no one that I would miss, not my friends or family. They do not know who I am becaUe I have not shown them. But they have not cared enough to notice. I don’t feel as though I am human anymore. Instead of sharing with others, I talk to myself in my head shutting myself further and further away from the world. I don’t think anyone could bring me back to humanity, but even if someone could, no one will ever care for me that much.

@Alyssakmorrell‍ kinda going through the same thing as you at the moment.  One of the bad things that resulted from my bouts with depression is my self isolation.  I escape into my head a lot when confronted with personal issues.  Instead of finding solutions to my problems I tend to fantasize a better life.  Next thing you know I use this fantasy world I've built in my head to escape reality all the while pretending to live in the real world.  Its a hard realization to know that no one really knows you in the real world and like you, if I up and left i don't really think id miss anyone.  Lately I've been looking at myself in the mirror asking some tough questions, "who are you really?", "is this how you want to live your life?", "what do you have to lose by reaching out?".  Those are just some questions floating in my head nowadays.

Lately I've been purging my life kinda. I decided I didn't like my current life so im trashing my old one so to speak.  Throwing old clothes, decorations, utensils, basically getting rid of everything.  Drastic perhaps and not sure if it'll help any but I feel like I need to do it.  Also planning on being more honest and genuine in my interactions from now on.  Hopefully I'll find someone I can trust to confide in. Who knows, weirder things have happened.  

I truly hope you make a connection and someone gets to know you. I hope you find someone to confide in and tell them all the things you want to share. I hope you Wont be lonely anymore. I've recently found that being lonely sucks and wouldn't wish it on anyone.  If you need someone to vent or just share your thoughts send me a message.  I would listen to you.

@Alyssakmorrell I completely understand what you’re going through. I don’t have any friends or family that I can rely on I barely have any of your friends or family that even care to check up on me. I go to work and I go home that’s all I do and I sit there and wonder where it all went wrong. I know I made mistakes that have push people away but forgiveness is a huge thing. Seems as if I can forgive people but others choose to not forgive me.  I isolate myself from the world because like you said there’s no one that even cares. I don’t cry much either it’s almost like it’s become normal to be alone. I don’t take any medication for it. I just keep praying to God every day to make my situation better and that’s all I have to hang onto. Just thought I’d share so you no you’re not alone.

I am so definitely in the same position.  I have no care to go anywhere.  I have had depression almost all of my adult life if not earlier but this last holiday season really did it for me.  Knowing I wasn't going to be able to be with my family, children, parents, grandchildren almost did me in.  Then a week before Christmas my best friend had a heart attack in my car while we were on the Interstate.  Then on Christmas Eve one of my dearest friends passed away.  Then early Cheistmas Morning my best friend passed away.  To say I was devastated is an understatement!! It's almost February and I don't want to go very far from home.  I am lonely, I don't have many friends.  I am home alone with my dog more often than not.  I have gai ed weight because I cook and bake and I'm the only one here to eat it!!  I just don't know what to do!!

@Harleybabe2009 totally agree with i feel the colder months jus make you think about everything at once an my emotions are jus everywhere. When its sunny im happy energetic and ready to not lwtting nothing stop or bother me.

Hello my name is Ellanne, and I have been feeling the exact same way as a lot of you. I’m just so tired of it all. I have been dealing with a deep amount of hurt from family members who have shunned me for many years. I’m an older woman and have been dealing with this for many years and it is just so very hurtful I can’t tell you! It’s ripped my heart apart! Nothing horrible ever happened to cause this rift, I had just kept to myself for awhile, for self preservation mostly, but that was it.
 I do try to tell myself I am still a good person despite feeling most days that I must not be, otherwise how did this happen. But god, the every day struggle, the feeling like I should be better than this, the medication that sometimes helps sometimes not, and that you simply just can’t count on any day feeling good. It’s just so wearing on your psyche, heart and soul. You have to white knuckle it through every day and just hope the next is better. I’m not suggesting I will do anything bad, but I do think about it a lot. Obviously this is no way to live. Like you, just been feeling really bad for way too long and wondering what the point of all this is supposed to be?

@Ellanne I completely understand you. I have no family that speaks to me. Every now and then my adult children will like a comment on Facebook or maybe send me a good morning once a month. I don’t have any association with my sister or brother or any of my nieces or nephews. And I do also think that I am a good person I just made some not so good choices in the past and I know I’ve hurt people and I know I push people away but people can change I have changed yet I’m still in isolation.I go to work and I go to church and that is my extent of socialization and some days I just wonder is it ever going to be different is it ever going to get better. I am almost 47 years old and I’ve never felt more alone in my life. God has my back God has my future I just pray something changes soon.