Hi everyone I’m new here. This is the first time in the 30 plus years of my life I’m going public to say I have severe depression. I’ve lurked & read and understood what others were going through on forums but never just posted anything of my own. I feel like I’m not good enough to express my feelings to others, I hold on to my feelings and thoughts, but I think it makes me feel worst. I feel like it’s just me and myself, and no one would care or would understand. I never could understand why I’m so unhappy, withdrawn, and afraid of what others would think. Because I am this way, others tend to hurt me, disappoint me, and of course they do that because they can tell I’m weak even if I don’t confide in them. Because of all of that I now have trust issues and that makes my withdrawing from others worst. I have a family whom I love dearly but I even find it difficult to tell them how I feel. When my husband and children are outside, I find myself laying in bed in a dark room, withdrawn. My husband feels like I’m not interested in him, he’s always saying things like “do you still love me?” And things like that, I feel like it’s to validate why I’m acting this way. I want to change, I want to be happy but I feel like my depression won’t allow me. I hope all of this doesn’t sound stupid to you guys, I hope that you understand what I’m saying. Sometimes I’m my own worst enemy, I just wish I could change the way I think and feel. I just wanna be happy and enjoy my life.
Talking about my depression for the first timehttps://www.carenity.us/forum/other-discussions/living-with-depression/im-new-here-19172020-05-23 02:29:32
Lonely29154
Lonely29154
Last activity on 06/19/2020 at 5:52 AM
Joined in 2020
5 comments posted | 5 in the Living with depression group
Rewards
Explorer
Hi everyone I’m new here. This is the first time in the 30 plus years of my life I’m going public to say I have severe depression. I’ve lurked & read and understood what others were going through on forums but never just posted anything of my own. I feel like I’m not good enough to express my feelings to others, I hold on to my feelings and thoughts, but I think it makes me feel worst. I feel like it’s just me and myself, and no one would care or would understand. I never could understand why I’m so unhappy, withdrawn, and afraid of what others would think. Because I am this way, others tend to hurt me, disappoint me, and of course they do that because they can tell I’m weak even if I don’t confide in them. Because of all of that I now have trust issues and that makes my withdrawing from others worst. I have a family whom I love dearly but I even find it difficult to tell them how I feel. When my husband and children are outside, I find myself laying in bed in a dark room, withdrawn. My husband feels like I’m not interested in him, he’s always saying things like “do you still love me?” And things like that, I feel like it’s to validate why I’m acting this way. I want to change, I want to be happy but I feel like my depression won’t allow me. I hope all of this doesn’t sound stupid to you guys, I hope that you understand what I’m saying. Sometimes I’m my own worst enemy, I just wish I could change the way I think and feel. I just wanna be happy and enjoy my life.