I am feeling alone and don't have anyone to talk to

@stillbeaut3ful Anyone who hasn't gone through cancer thinks if you "survive cancer" that is this amazing thing, but they don't realize that for some people cancer is a lifelong battle and can cause lifelong stress. The cancer can come back too. At some point I feel like I might have to start 3d printing body parts - to prevent some cancers we have to do surgery. I used to think you could just "chemo" everything but didn't really even understand cancer or what chemo is until I have seen people go through it. I haven't had to do chemo yet - just surgeries. My mom doesn't understand my stress - all she repeats is "you don't have cancer now right?" as if it is all good. The word cancer scares a lot of people close to you - they are afraid to talk about it. Everyone assumes with all cancers comes chemo - not all cancers respond to chemo. And some cancers are aggressive and hard to treat - my oncologist didn't think I was taking it seriously enough but I didn't understand what cancer was until I started my own journey in fighting it. 

@hsampson I totally get this. I *hate* being called a cancer "survivor". It is not a beautiful, romantic thing. I will carry this with me the rest of my life, the worry, stress that it will come back, or worse that I may have passed on a bad gene to my kids and they will get it one day. 

Hello everyone, thank you for sharing on this thread. Cancer is such an isolating disease and it can be so good to share with others who truly understand what it's like.

@Ariel1124‍ How are you doing? I hope you're staying safe with all that is going on.

Take care,

Courtney

Hi Ariel, I was diagnosed with lymphoma just about 6 months ago.. Have been in chemo for just about 5 months now... I was terrified at first. My problem? I was never any good at talking about my problems with anybody... I came to Massachusetts from. central CT for treatment at a wonderful place called Sister Caritas Cancer Center. It was awfully lonesome the first few months here, I,'ve rented a room close to the treatment center and of course didn't know anybody around me. I don't know what kind of treatment you're going through or what your diagnosis is. Mine? Chemo for six months, then the doc and I will see... I'll be so glad to have a break from this! Here's the thing... No two days seem to be the same. I've had 3 great days in a row.. Was out in the sun riding a bicycle, I was enjoying myself! Today, I'm down with the nausea and weakness, all normal chemo stuff and I just can't do much at all. This has nothing to do courage or personal strength.. it's just the way this goes. I think this really confuses some people, ups, downs like every day is different. Ariel, I'm starting to feel I can find some real support here and I don't mind trying to give some. Good luck with things this is certainly worth a try....

I know how you feel. I have those days on a regular basis. Know that your situation is normal. My significant other seems to fell that I am back to normal. He expects me to be the way I used to be  I am awaiting chemo and radiation, they were afraid to start because of the virus.  My constant fear is that it is spreading. You are never alone, I am here if you want to talk. My email address is: debmcmhn@aol.com, and my phone number is: 614-706-9831. Call or email me anytime, I am here for you.

Meechienen, I assume that you're addressing me? I thought I'd better be sure, new to forums and all of this really. Don't laugh but I'd never owned a smart phone until 2 months ago...I had no need for one. My ancient flip phone and a Windows laptop got me through, It took me 15 minutes and lots of button pushing to find out what my own phone number is... Yikes. I talked to my Doc. about this virus trouble but once chemo starts I don't think they want to interrupt it. I'm having a good day today, I hope you' re doing okay too. You can let me know if your note was directed at me and if so? Thanks I'd gladly write you.

I really need to get away from this site.. Well, firstly? Every one who has written me has been great. It's the site itself. I type notes again and again.. only to watch the site reload/ refresh, sometimes from 5 feet away as I walk back to my phone.. I've spent my working years in Engineering so I'm acquainted with tech.. and all the limitations. Aside from the reloading problems (maybe not your fault) there are other problems as well. No site should be this difficult to use.. ever. It should'nt be s stressful experience just trying to navigate to an earlier discussion. Not whining really, I have plenty of suggestions that may be helpful. Funny that I can get s response from Uber or FedEx but not here as any comments to moderators are returned as "undeliverable". We've got enough troubles and s big thank you to you folks who' be said "hi" to me, it's s huge help. , PS I've typed this on a Windows laptop & pasted it to here, the site would have refreshed and blown it away by now. I do appreciate this site really. Just can't deal with the stress of lol trying to use it! Best of luck everyone..

Just a general comment .. So many here write that they're all alone. Well, alone except for their wife, their husband , their brother, sister, life partner, family and so on.. Holy cr#p! Of course all of these aren' going to understand your predicament completely .. My brother Gary tries his best, he reads about my trouble and has learned a lot..He's been a great support.. What he's "getting " is that I don:t want to talk about cancer very much now, just everything else ..I:m by myself living in this town and mostly glad for it, I don't want anyone fussing over me or trying to accomodate me, and I sure don't want any misguided "advice " even though it was meant well ...Anyway , just some thoughts ..

I ditched the 3 year old pic. on my profile and put up a recent one. I must be bored!

I had a hard time talking to family and friends at first too. I think I was just in both total shock and denial I just couldn't talk about it. I finally told them that I just needed them to be "normal" with me and not baby me or act weirdly around me and that really helped. Then I could talk about it with them when I wanted to and I didn't feel like a ticking time bomb with them staring at me or clearly not knowing what to say.