Talking about my depression for the first time

Hi Lonely29154,

I'm new here too. I understand how you feel. Everything you said makes sense and I can relate.

I keep sabotaging my life because I don't think I deserve to be happy. I hurt the people I love because I'm not satisfied with the way my life has turned out. I have trouble speaking my truth and cannot make friends. 

I'm very lonely and joined this site to connect with people who might understand my problems and would be willing to talk about them.

Most people don't want to hear it, they just want to enjoy life. I want to heal so I can enjoy life too and not have to talk about this for the rest of my life.

Kevin thank you for responding. It’s like you said everything I’ve been thinking and feeling. I never looked at it as healing, I always looked at it like I want to be happy but healing makes more sense. Now that you said that, I realize I need to work on “healing”. Thank you for opening my eyes and I hope you can do the same. 

I'm so glad you got something out of my comments, your reply made my day! 😊I

I think it's a process to go through at least that's my hope! There must be relief from this some how, lol!

I get stuck on negative things and make too much out of everything. I'm very sensitive and I'm trying to learn how to not care so much and beat myself up when I make mistakes.

This article was helpful to me, let me know your thoughts.

https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2015/11/how-to-stop-feeling-guilty

Yours in healing,

Kevin

Kevin this article is truly helpful in understanding why I feel the way I do. To quote the article “study after study shows that self-criticism is consistently associated with less motivation and worse self-control. It is also one of the single biggest predictors of depression, which drains both “I will” power and “I want” power” that statement alone was eye opening for me. I thank you so much for posting it, it showed me things I clearly wasn’t seeing before and I see areas based on this article I can slowly work on. 

Thank you again! I struggle everyday, the struggle is much easier when I can start the day with hope. Hope that I'm on the right track and might be helping someone in the process. Makes me very happy and grateful🙏

Have a magnificent day!

Same to you Kevin, you really did open my eyes to what I was missing. I tried and tried to find what is was for a long time, but when talking to you I realized some of the things I need to work on. I appreciate you commenting and hope you have a wonderful day yourself. 

Sorry for spelling errors in advance.

Hi I’m new to this site and talking about depression in general. I honestly don’t even know if what I have would even be considered depression. I’m lonely. I don’t feel connected to the world around me. I can fake a happy appearance and I can small talk with strangers  but nothing more than that. I don’t think I know how to make the final connection for a meaningful interaction. I have people I can call a friend but I don’t think that there is a full connection. One of them once told me they think I have a barrier around me to keep people out. I don’t know how to take the barrier down. I didn’t even know I had one.

Most days I’m fine with the way my life is. I work to pay the bills. I spend money on things I want when I can.  I am not suicidal. I don’t think about hurting myself. What gives me pause is the thought that I don’t think I would mind dying. That being said I won’t go out of my way to die. I wouldn’t purposely put myself in a position to die. I don’t know if that thought process is normal. 

Hi @GinBlaydlock‍ 

Wow, I totally relate to everything you said. I've been struggling with vulnerability and self-love. I continue to damage relationships because I don't feel that I'm worthy or good enough.

My journey so far has uncovered some abandonment issues I had suppressed for decades. Trying all manner of things to work through them, but it's tough.

I wish you the best. I'd be happy to share more if you want to message me.

 What I do to try to cope, is anyone else doing these things? Feel like it is helping? I like to collaborate and need connection with people who understand my plight.

Meditation, go for walks, journalling, mindfulness practice through the day, talk to family (although I limit this since it brings them down)

What do you do to try to stay sane?

@GinBlaydlock I can relate to not feeling connected to the world around you. Everything is so fast these days and everything is all about appearances and I feel like I can never make a real, genuine connection anymore. Talking on here really helps me because I think we can all understand each other and what we're going through. I'm really glad to hear that you're not suicidal. Do you the feeling like you'd be ok with dying right now is that a symptom of not caring about living anymore, or is it from a place of where you have everything you need and you've accomplished the things you wanted to accomplish?