Need someone to talk to/Listen to others

I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety 9 years ago and for the most part it's been pretty manageable but life has been pretty stressful lately and I've noticed I just keep getting deeper and deeper in a funk. It's not like I dont have a support system, i do. Its just sometimes I feel like they're eventually going to get tired of dealing with it all and of me by proxy. My self confidence especially has taken a hit. I'm trying to find a new job and it just seems/feels like I'm not good enough for anything that's available. I just want to feel good about myself and feel confident. Lately all i feel like a big fat lard of wasted space, and I know I should not feel this way and I have talked with my boyfriend a bit who is an awesome guy and we've been together for almost 6 years so he knows how to deal with my anxiety and depression but lately his reactions aren't necessarily the ones I've been looking for. Like I complain how i feel ugly or fat and he tells me "well we both could take better care of ourselves" which is true and i love that he's honest but sometimes I'm looking for "oh babe youre beautiful and i wouldn't change anything about you" is that stupid? I know this is really long and probably doesnt make sense because I'm ranting but i think if i talk with people that get it or are in similar situations then itll help. It sucks but part of me feels like my boyfriend hasnt proposed yet because of my anxiety. kinda like he doesnt want to be stuck dealing with it the rest of his life, which I totally understand but even though my heart knows it's not true my head tells me something different. I guess that's the bitch of anxiety is that it kinda makes stuff up in your head so after a while it's hard to tell the difference between whats real and what's not. Anyways just let me know if I'm alone in this. Kinda feel like I am. 

@Summaflo hi I know exactly what you are going through I'm here if you need to talk

@Summaflo hi I know exactly what you are going through I'm here if you need to talk

I am struggling so much right now and just need someone to talk to. My almost 80 year old mother who was living on her own with her dog- who is a pit bull mix but truly the sweetest dog ever around people- had a mini stroke and ended up in the hospital in April. After they let her out her therapist said it wasn't a good idea that she lived on her own. So even though our house isn't set up for her- all of our bedrooms are upstairs and we only have a 1/2 bath downstairs and she obviously can't get up and down the stairs we told her she could move in with us and take the money from the sale of her home and we would build an addition. So she sold her home and she and her dog moved in with us and our 3 dogs. Her dog has attacked our dogs here and there but nothing but what we thought was a little rough dog play. Well, my brother, sister and I decided to throw her an 80th birthday party and my sister and brother who live out of town and my mom's sisters and their kids came in from out of town and a lot of her friends came to the party- it was fantastic. But, I invited all of the family back over to my house after the party and I guess her dog got overwhelmed or something but it literally attacked my dog so bad that we thought it was going to kill my dog. My husband said my mom's dog was no longer allowed in our home and I completely understood that but knew it was my mom's life and I didn't know what to do- couldn't throw my mom to the curb and my brother and sister said they couldn't take her and her dog. So my cousin said she would take my mom and her dog back to Mississippi with them. So, they gathered up some of my mom's stuff and they took her and her dog to a hotel and said they would be back in the morning to get all of her stuff. Obviously not my first option but my mom desperately wanted to stay with her dog so I felt it was the only way. Well then my cousin decided they couldn't take her and her dog and they left my mom in the hotel and they left to go home. In the meantime my brother's wife ended up in the hospital with heart issues so my brother ended up going to the hotel to stay with my mom. My mom decided to put her dog down and come back to our house.  But, I know every time she looks at me she blames me and my husband for her - as she puts it- dog being killed. I have health issues and I work 3 jobs, my husband works nights- he has an odd schedule- he works 6 nights in a row off 1 works one then off 6 days- so that's hard because I try to keep the house quiet while he is asleep. I just feel like I have so much going on right now and I'm struggling to handle it all. I know this is nothing compared to what a lot of people go through- I just needed to tell someone. Thank you for listening!

Speaking from my experience and sharing my opinion only --------Depression is a very difficult disease to come to terms with. There is some one some where that is understanding enough to listen to us who are dealing with this debilitating illness.  Life is not fair - we did nothing to have this inflicted on us.  Like any painful situation, a good part of the solution is to reach out.  I found out that it took my risking out to free medical attention from local or county or state or federal until I WAS HEARD.  We are not crazy we are hurting.  Also having an avenue like this is so beneficial.  If my problems stem from the inside then my solution is also from the inside but with outside help from those who have traveled this journey before me. Carefully and slowly I listened to all opinions and chose those that resonated within me. Life for me is a mystery that needs to be experienced not solved. Each of us that takes the time and makes  the effort to express their views here are very courageous and not alone we are all ducks swimming in the same pond so keep on quacking and swimming -   Bless us all.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Swede

Hello I haven't posted on here for a while.I have Hydrocephalus, Spina Bifida and anxiety.It's been tough going but trying to get better mentally.I am trying to get approved for disability but get denied.Does this organization have any leads that can possibly help?

Thank you

@Hydrocephalus I am so sorry they are denying you. My cousin also has spina bifida and hydrocephalus. I will check with her and see what she had to do to get approved for disability. What state are you in?

I'm currently in an odd spot in my life. I just turned 21 and I am working on moving out of my childhood home. Recently my family has become toxic. My brother is on the process of moving out (has a signed lease and everything) and I worry that when he's out that the toxicity that comes from my "parents" will be harsher. They seemed to care about him more because he has been less "complicated" than I. Regardless I love my brother and he's worried about me, but I'm not financially stable enough to move yet. I can't move with him because he's moving in with his fiance. It's hard to leave home because there are dogs to watch, and I have a unexplained anxiety fear about going over to others houses. My best friend, who I've known for over a decade, says I'm welcomed there whenever, but I always ask because I don't want to be a disturbance or bother to him or his family. The only time I really am able to leave is when I have to work, but even then I only work so many hours before I'm home again.

It's hard to call them my parents because they've felt less and less like family, and just people who are in my life. My s/o says that people like this only see the most fragile version of you and portray that in their minds rather than you now, even if you've changed and grown.

Before my current one, I was in a toxic relationship that lead to me having MDD and anxiety. I tried leaving the relationship much sooner but when I said I wasnt happy the person said if I didn't stay that they would do something they would regret (suicide.) they were psychologically abusive to me and I couldn't leave in fear of having someone's blood on my hands. I've developed a shake in my hands and arms as well as a result, and I am not sure what it is. It limits how much I can write on paper, which I have to do a lot. even holding up just a pen my hands shake.

How can I make the best of my situation?