Need someone to talk to/Listen to others

its like i want to die but my anxiety is stopping me bc im scared to die.

Hi. It's late for me but a lot has been on my mind and I found this site. I at least wanted to say some things and be heard by someone, because in my day to day life I am very lonely so I make myself busy to try and forget that I've lost my friends. Since I graduated high school, all of the friends I had kind of disappeared or they make very rare appearances in my life. I always thought that when I started college, I would find my group of friends and fit right in and feel right. I'm almost in the middle of my second year of college and I still haven't became real friends with anyone, just casual "we sit next to each other in class but that's it" kind of passing friendships with people. And it's not that I haven't tried to get closer to people, it just always seems to fall flat. My high school best friend who is now my roommate has changed so much, and she has her own friends she hangs out with to the point that I barely feel like we're friends at all anymore. My senior year of high school, I met this guy who really changed my perspective on life and I fell in love with him. He was my best friend for like a year. But my love is unrequited, he has made that somewhat clear but he's also wishy-washy about it to the point that sometimes I think he feels the same but then he'll say something and it's like the rug is swept out from underneath me and I realize that our feelings are truly not the same. In the past couple weeks, I cut ties with him in a big way because I know that we can't be friends because it hurts me to much to think about him being with someone else while I feel these things for him. I still care for him, and I know that he cares for me but not the way I want, and the time I spent trying to keep a friendship with him made me more depressed than I've been in a long time. So that has been what has triggered my depression, but it's especially difficult because I have no one to turn to. I seriously don't have anyone who asks if I'm ok unless it's my mom or my grandma, and neither of them live in the same state as I do, one lives 7 hours away and the other lives 2 hours away. And it really kills me, because I know I should be out enjoying my life while I'm in my college years. I haven't been to one party. I haven't even gone on one outing with friends in almost 2 years, because I don't have any to go out and do stuff with. This loneliness is slowly killing me. I'm trying to fight it but I'm starting to feel like I'm drowning in it all. Sorry this was so long. I appreciate you reading it if you did. I am just very lost and alone right now. I'm hoping it will pass. I really want some friends. 

@skiwi7 I know exactly how u feel. I am/have gone through some similar obstacles. I have no friends, my family don’t talk to me much, my boyfriend can’t stand to be in the same room as me, I just have no one. I’ve tried doing the whole party thing and I thought I’d make some friends, fit in, have fun, make memories, but none of that happened. I just got hurt even more. The only thing that calms be down or bring me any kind of peace is smoking a blunt. I feel like I’m constantly failing at everything I do. I use to be so successful and accomplished, even though I didn’t have no one to celebrate my success I was okay with that bec I was doing me and I was doing good but now it’s like I will never catch a break in life unless I end it.

That is a lot to take in. You are so strong to have held up this long. I know the feeling of being lonely also and I'm so sorry you have to go through that feeling. Hang in there! 

Hello, I’ve been honestly feeling really depressed lately and this week honestly just got so much worse.. if anyone would like to talk I would really appreciate it..

i’m really young and i shouldn’t feel like this! it makes me mad that i do! my insides hurt but not like physically like my chest is ab to explode if that makes sense! no one likes me or loves me! my family does but i feel like that’s different the love from your family is different then your friends! ya know! i don’t wanna more ever and ik that sounds weird but i feel like one day i’m gonna wake up and not be able to move! i can’t talk to my parents ab this! ik that they will understand and help but it’s so terrifying and i hate it when my dad sees me as a person who have feelings and someone who isn’t strong enough! i m so over this life thing like i don’t wanna do it anymore! ik when i’m older i’m not going to do anything with my life i want to be on broadway but i’m not good at singing and i take  lessons and work really hard but it’s not going to happen it’s the one thing i love and makes me happy but i suck! so if the  future  doesn’t madder and the  present  sucks why am i still here doing this!?

So my depression has started about the time I was starting to be abused by my own parents. Even though I am out of that situation for the most part now, depression is ruining my everyday life and the relationships I have now. Every time something hurts me I always keep thinking I don't belong here anymore. My thoughts get very deep and so do my feelings. I have wanted to end my life time to time, but at the same time I also don't want to die but I can't get read of these thoughts. I was self harm free for 6 months till I started again a few weeks ago. Can't afford therapy. Have health problems that are being worked on right now and when the pain comes in my side to the point I can barley walk, the feeling of weakness comes and the feeling of I am tired of this pain I have had for 3 years I just want it all to stop. & the only way my mind thinks is that everyone would be better off if I was gone. I was kind of isolated for about 2 years, my family hardly let me have any interaction. & now that I have that freedom I never want to be alone. Whenever I am alone I make things worse for everyone else, and myself because the feeling of loneliness and hurt leads to self harm. Not sure how this site is supposed to work. Not sure if you are supposed to share your story & then people message you. But I am tired of feeling like this, and I am tired of my family calling it an invisible illness that I am blowing it all out of proportion. I do not know how to move on from these feelings. I am 23 years old, still have a lot to live for but when you get told that nobody would miss you if you were gone by your own mother it's hard to believe you deserve to be here.... 

im so bazzarred out right now. just came home and my life is hitting me like a lightning strikes the ground, everywhere to go but nothing to bring me home.. bills and bills tailing me like a shadow in the dark. familys loving me everyday by feeding me sheltering me talking to me, but its not helping the stress that life brings upon me. what to do , where to start this I know but with nothing to help progress my situation I sit here in the dark with music playin and typing this message, feeling lonely yet surrounded. deff lonely. lol.. k that's all for now =)(

I have been depressed since 2012. I’m numb and sad and I want to die but I can’t Bc I’m scared. I dont want to live like this. I’m so over my life ...