Is my anxiety influencing my perception or things, or am I self-gaslighting?

Weird title, I know... I didn't know how else to word it.

But hello. My name's Cyy. I'm a bit new here and I guess something recent has been really bothering me lately. Maybe it's not all that recent, now that I really think on it. I'm hoping this actually relates to the anxiety discussion forum because I really don't know where else it would fit in.

I'm not really a person who likes to express myself - at least not with my heavier emotions like sadness, anger, ect. Let alone express them to other people, because I feel like I'm just burdening them with my problems. It's part of why I'm here now. I don't feel like I can share anything with people I have relationships/personal connection to anymore for the previously stated reasoning... amongst the other problem I've titled here.

Something happened the other day, and it happens often I realize... Let me give a simple example of this: I'm upset about something, and I really only express it in a tone where I sound... bummed out, I guess? At least, that's how it's been described to me. The person wants to talk about it and checks in, and I kind of hesitated - for the reason previously stated. As we kind of start to dissect it a bit, I might pick up on their voice or expression that they feel bothered or guilty or something like that - and I begin to backtrack.

I start to just think: "Crap. I made them feel bad because I'm upset. They didn't mean for that to happen, and I don't mean for them to feel bad about themselves. I don't want them thinking I'm upset with them or like I'm blaming them."

So, this results in me responding with apologies. Saying "sorry" every five minutes or less over everything. Constantly insisting that I'm not upset with them or blaming them, that I'm more upset at myself - because I am more upset at myself. I start blaming myself.

The other day, I constantly insisted: "No, I shouldn't have done this" or "I shouldn't have said that" and "I'm sorry I kept you up this late, I know your tired". It's so... tiring. I felt so bad that this problem came up and that they stayed up later, despite being tired, to talk to me about it. Then at that point, I just start breaking down and crying because I'm busy freaking out about how I'm a complete burden to them. I feel like I forced them to be there and it's even worse thinking about how I said the "I shouldn't have...." phrases. It all seems so manipulative to me, and that's the last thing I ever want to do to another person. Hence the breakdown and the panic attack that ensues...

Then it spurs on the problem because the person stays there with me, waiting until I stop freaking out. I appreciate it a lot, and I always make sure to express that I appreciate them. But it just... Feels so terrible to even say anything anymore. I could have an actual issue that I'm upset about and I want to address, but I don't want to for the sake of the other person... Which kills me inside because then I end up hurting and just keep hurting because of it... But I so badly don't want to be a person who manipulates for the sake of my own emotions - and I hope that's not what I'm doing. If I am, I just want somebody to call me out on it so I can be better.

I constantly feel like people should be mad at me or should call me out for something, even if I don't know what. I just always feel like I've done something terrible in cases like these and I just want someone to say that I've done something so I can be better. The person this happened with told me that I'm okay to be upset with what I was upset over and I didn't do anything wrong but... it just feels like they lied to me so I don't feel bad, or something. But maybe that's just the anxiety?

It's one of the biggest issues that led me here in the first place. So if someone here thinks I am being manipulative, please, tell me. Like I said, I would do anything just to.. never do that to a person. I've been in that seat before, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone else.

I've been sitting here just between: "Did I do something, or is it the anxiety?"