Need someone to talk to/Listen to others

Hey, I never thought I’d be in one of these groups but here it goes... I’ve been struggling with depression for about 4 going on 5 years now but just got diagnosed last year... i think the hardest things for me has been 1. Just being sad for no reason like how do I fix that when I don’t know what the problem is... 2. Nights alone... nights are always hard I can never sleep... depression has been my biggest bully and the scariest nightmare that I have to live 

  Well I've been on here one day and I think that it could be better too much being posted

I have struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life and decided to be around people who understand just need someone to talk to you know I have been through so much and done most of it alone but sometimes it's hard 

I'm also in need of conversation. About anything. The struggle is out of control. Any of you can private message me if you are still in need of someone to talk/listen.

@PolarBearDog5 
Hey I’m new here. But I’m also nocturnal so if you need to talk I can talk. 

@heathermaupin0 
I also have gone it alone. It’s indescribable...the heavy weight on your back. The anger for all the people who let you down, hurt you, or oppressed you. Mankind is not meant to go it alone, and especially women. We have a larger language center in the brain so we really do need to talk. I’m here if you need to.

@Zaniah1 
I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression when I was five after I tried to kill myself. So I know the struggle. Antidepressants don’t work and they don’t work for most people. I have a medical background so I’ll spare you the boring details as to why they are mostly useless and downright destructive. I only attempted suicide when I was on them. Medication is not the answer. Purpose is. What are you here for? What is your talent? What are your interests? Do you have good friends? Genuine friends? Healthy relationships? Depression is just as much an expression of loneliness as it is hidden pain and nihilism. Or perhaps it’s just a dissonance between your idealism and the real world. That part of my problem. 

I had gaps where I was happy...or at least content.  But it took work. I had to adhere to a very strict diet, supplementation, exercise regimen, meetups (to socialize and experience new things), and therapy three times a week. I also got reiki treatments, massage, acupuncture. I highly recommend reiki. Especially if you’re drunk. Seriously, it works better when the mind is shut down. I’m a level 2 so not a reiki master yet but when I did the course for level 2 I slept naturally for the first time since I was a toddler. So there’s definitely something to it. No Dr could figure me out. Some didn’t believe me. I’ve gone weeks without sleep and received no help from western medicine. So I started a journey of my soul. I opened my mind to the metaphysical and spiritual. You don’t have to, but if you’re curious, go for it! 

depression can be anger turned inwards. I know all about that. Are you angry about something? Did someone hurt you? Were you mistreated as a child and didn’t know it? Stuff like that. I can’t tell you how many times I was smoking a little ganja and had an epiphany about something important happened when I was just a babe. Or some new insight or perspective on an old issue. Maybe you’re seeing things erroneously. Or maybe you’re right and that fact makes you feel persecuted. Depression is complex and I’m tired of people just throwing pills at it. I’m actually researching for an article about natural cures for depression and I’ve been trying them out. I have to take time off so I remember what I’m usually like. I’ve been doing some crying today. Crying is good for the brain FYI. Especially hard sobbing. Like a brain shower. So stop typing and start crying!!

@nmurf28 
do you ever feel persecuted? Like an unusual amount of obstacles and problems, some of which have no explanation with what we know scientifically. I started believing in god after an NDE but ironically it made me more depressed. Now I have to find meaning. Purpose. I have to commit to something. But everything I do blows up in my face. Its as if I’m here simply to watch the disaster that is my life and nothing more. Perhaps subconsciously I’m betting on divine intervention and I’m upset because none has come. It’s as if I expect a financier to drop from the sky and invest in me. When you don’t believe in yourself it’s hard to do anything. You can read my profile for a little background but because my father was important to people I experienced a wide spectrum of interactions. Everything from copying my clothes to spitting in my face, you name it. But all of that didn’t affect me as much as discovering my best friends were really my enemies, my saboteurs. I grew up with mentally ill parents so I needed to believe in trust, because there was no love (at least the expression of) or trust in that house. I grew up being scapegoated and I thought I was just whiny and self pitying. But people notice. You know it’s bad when your therapist quits on you because shes Overwhelmed and “traumatized by proxy.” Like no shit sugar, this is my life and i wish I could push the reset button but I can’t. I just have so much anger and pain and as a woman we aren’t allowed to be angry so I shove it down. I’m too busy trying to look perfect so I can mistreated by an entitled man child. 

I sometimes think I’ve been rejected some many times I don’t think there’s hope for me. This girl I was friends with we’re not friends anymore she would going around ask random boys to date me as a joke and she would say cause she ugly and they would be like nah they don’t want a girlfriend and she would be like stop lying you know she ugly and every time some say they want to get me with somebody I think her those times she did that to me and I tell them no like I want a relationship but I’m to damaged and I feel like I’m not worthy of being with somebody it seem like ever since my brother died my life has gone down hill I been mentally abused by friends and myself cause I feel unworthy of a relationship and life