I really don't feel like living - need support and to talk

Hello All,

I'm new at this as well.  I never thought of myself being depressed. but I'm have severe depression because my father passed away with cancer in June of this year.  My mother was also diagnosed with cancer right after.  My parents are everything to me.  I feel overwhelmed with sadness and anxiety every day.   I'm also my mother primary caregiver and it's so difficult to hide my emotions from her.  I went to see a psychotherapist a couple times but she couldn't help me much.  So I turned to meditation and I think I'm making a little progress.  It's just one day at a time.  I don't know how long I can endure this but I pray that my God will give my mother a miracle.  She deserves it.  She's a good, generous person on this earth.  

So maybe those who have tried therapy and medications but don't seem to help much, should give meditation a chance.  I do hope that everyone here can get better and be happy because we all deserve to be happy.  

…I realized that so many things that seem to be so important before just aren’t important anymore.  I just don't feel like doing anything anymore.  However, I've found something that help improve my mood and I'd like to share it with everyone.  I'm 54 years old and retired.  I worked very hard all my life so financially I'm pretty comfortable.  And for that I feel very lucky because I'm able to do a lot of good deeds.  I've been giving to different charity organizations and it makes me feel uplifting and positive.  

So those who can afford it, give a little to charity or if you can't, do some volunteer works can help you feel happy.  

hello everyone i can use some support my depression keeps getting worse

@PoohBears is it seasonal? I suffer from severe depression and it always gets worse in winter.

i'm not sure it's been a lot worse my counselor is trying to get me in a support group over the computer see if that helps me

I’ve not posted in awhile but I’ve a confession. Last year I attempted to take my own life via prescription drugs. I experienced a situation where I was awakened by a knock on my door, which woke me from a profound and complete state of nothingness. No consciousness whatsoever. A state in which nothing existed. In those seconds after regaining consciousness I wanted to go back. I ached to go back. Sometimes I still do.

Its selfish, I can say without doubt. I won’t lie though… the experience of being completely and totally “non existent” was a relief. I know it’s selfish especially considering I’ve a woman in my life that I’d give everything for and more. I know if I were gone she would suffer and I can’t allow that. If I didn’t have her though, I’ve no doubt I’d be dead. None whatsoever.

If you’ve someone in your life that you want to care for you need to take that into account. I personally know it’s tough to see past the pain you are experiencing. It’s brutal and it’s relentless. I spend time everyday looking for reasons not to end everything. It’s an endless struggle but one that has to be fought.

God bless all of you, whether you believe in Him or not. Just know that your suffering affects so many more people in your life.

i

Well said John, I'm very glad you're still here with us. Please whatever you do, just keep living regardless and this goes for everyone here too. I sometimes feel like I'm better off dead but I just can't take my life. I just can't do that to my parents. Although my father is no longer here with me, I know he would want to see me alive and happy. I also have my mother to care for. She has cancer and she depends on me very much.

I'm a walking zombie with a lot health issues due to my depression but still living cuz I need to be strong for those precious people in my life now or at one time in my life. Anyone has any recommendations for improving weight. I'm a vegetarian to just 2 glasses of ensure milk on the go every day. 😢😢😢

Although I'm trying to be optimistic every day, but I'm just curious, does anyone know how to keep living when you have nothing to live for anymore???

Have you tried calling help lines? I know that isn't much of a suggestion. Do you have any hobbies or can you go out for a walk. I've done that while listening to music and it seemed to help me being out in nature. Pills work for some people but haven't been successful for me. I've also tried to talk about it with someone but if they haven't experienced it they don't understand and it was very embarrassing for me because I cried a lot just trying to get it out and I felt like I was getting judged! But what helped me some was just writing down how I was feeling and what I felt how people were treating me and how I felt about feeling judged. I was also talking out loud as I was writing it down and that felt like it was helping more.]

Dear Jackson1

Thank you for your advice. Although I'm mostly home because I'm the primary caregiver for my mother, I do leave the house an hour or so each day for a walk or to just being outdoors. I have a couple of good friends that are very supportive and they're willing to give me all ears but I don't want to be a burden to them. I know that they have their own issues and it's just selfish of me to just think of me me... I pray when I can and also I've been making donations to charity organizations such as animal rescue ASPCA, shelterbabies, red-cross, st. joseph hospital for children, and others in need. However, I'm still sad... deep down in my heart, from the day my father passed away and the day my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I know that I will never be happy again but I guess I just need to learn to live with it. I guess we must accept our destiny and go with it.

I don't like pills because of the side effects and also my mother got her cancer due to abusing medications for her health issues. She was on a lot of pain meds and many other kinds of meds over a long period of time and that's how her cancer was developed. For those who are taking a lot meds, please do research first.